Never Will We Know
by Byakuzee
Summary: He wished to be that person, the person everyone expected and wanted him to be. TYL. 2759.
1. Chapter 1

So I was thinking about making a 2759 fic where Gokudera loses ten years worth of memories, returning him to his before-he-joined-the-vongola self. He remembers everything before he met Reborn and Tsuna but nothing else. I'm trying to build this as Gokudera re-discovers himself, regaining memories and feelings slowly. So it's kind of a character-study too?

Anyways, here's the prologue, nothing that important really but hopefully, it'll get better with time /crosses fingers

* * *

**Never Will We Know**

Hurt and Forgotten

* * *

He knew he shouldn't have sent him on that mission when every cell in his body was on the edge, intuition screaming at him to be wary.

But being hopeful, denying that something wrong would happen, he forced a smile as he bid Gokudera goodbye.

_Sometimes, his intuition told him wrong._

He desperately wished that this would be one of those cases.

* * *

If something could go wrong, it will go wrong.

It was the logic of his life really. A logic he couldn't be happier if it was gone for good.

Because here Gokudera was, bloodied and unconscious and all of that was his own damn fault.

* * *

_"A kid got in the way and octopus-head didn't have another choice,"_Ryohei explained with a grim expression when Tsuna frantically asked him about why Gokudera was in such critical state.

A week ago, he sent Gokudera and Ryohei for negotiations in Milan. It was supposed to be a normal mission, nothing alarming or dangerous.

But then a rival family got involved and now Gokudera was not waking up.

He should've stopped him, warned him, _anything_.

_It's my fault that he's in this state._

_My fault that…_

* * *

Tsuna hurriedly entered the hospital room Gokudera was staying at, overjoyed about the news he heard.

_He has woken up._

But then he saw everyone there, and he immediately knew that there was something wrong.

Their expressions when they were looking at Gokudera weren't happy, they were clearly troubled.

And when he looked at Gokudera, he knew the reason why.

Gokudera had an odd glare, one that he didn't see for years.

"Who the hell are you all?!"

* * *

_He doesn't remember._

* * *

TBC

Please tell me that I'm not chasing after an unreachable goal with writing this...


	2. Chapter 2

I'm unworthy of such kindness you guys...

But thank you so much! I seriously hope that I won't disappoint you!

* * *

**Never Will We Know**

Awaken and Confused

* * *

"He lost approximately ten-years' worth of memories," Shamal announced, finally getting out of Gokudera's room.

Few days after Gokudera's awakening, the issue of the memory loss was serious enough to bring Shamal here, drunk and mumbling about the incompetence of Milan's doctors. And after some struggling, he got the medical staff to let him examine him, saying that he was his personal doctor from his childhood.

"Does that mean he doesn't remember anyone he met in Japan?" Yamamoto asked, pointing at himself and the others.

"What he last remembers is getting a call from Reborn to go there. He doesn't remember anything after that and we can't find out why."

"There's nothing that they or _I_ can do. He needs to get his memories by himself..."

* * *

He didn't know where he was, and no one was willing to tell him anything.

He knew that he was in a hospital room somewhere in Italy; given how the nurses and doctors alike spoke Italian naturally.

The question was: who were those guys that he saw when he woke up? He couldn't recognize a single face, even when they all looked worried and concerned about him.

It was odd.

He was sure they weren't his enemies, Bianchi and Shamal were there after all.

_Could it be that...?_

No, that wasn't possible; Bianchi and Shamal long since left his father's side.

So who were those guys? Why did his sister and Shamal were with them?

_And..._

He frowned, back turned as if he was sleeping and hearing Bianchi's quiet sobs.

_Why is she crying? I'm fine._

His sister didn't cry easily, she didn't cry even when he left their house and followed him instead.

_So why is she crying now when there was nothing to cry for?_

There was a faint knock on the door and Bianchi mumbled a quite, "Enter," in response, probably wiping her incriminating tears before it.

"You're still here," the person who entered noted, asking after getting next to her, "How is he?"

"He's doing alright," Bianchi replied, voice unusually hushed. "He needs rehabilitation. The doctors say that with this pace of recovery, he'll be discharged after a month or so."

"That's good," the person said, and Gokudera could feel the immense relief he felt.

"You go and rest now." Before Bianchi could protest, he continued, "There's a meeting tomorrow and I need you to attend it. You didn't sleep for days, Bianchi."

"I guess some families will take advantage of this situation, huh?" Bianchi said, sighing heavily as she continued, "I just can't believe that he doesn't remember the last ten years, just when we fixed things between us..."

"And you think exhausting and killing yourself is going to bring him back? Do you think he'll be happy with it if he knew?" the person asked, making Gokudera question what exactly had happened while he was out cold.

"You're the one to talk," Bianchi shot back, sounding almost amused. "Hayato will flip if he knew that you were killing yourself like this."

"I'm sure he will." The person (guessing from the voice, it was a guy) chuckled. "But I'm used to it."

Gokudera inwardly thought that this guy's reasoning was very pitiful.

Bianchi, apparently, shared the same thought. "Don't stay up too late, if you showed the slightest amount of discomfort, they'll know."

"And Tsuna?" _So that was his name. _"I don't blame you. It's not your fault."

And with that notion, Bianchi was out, leaving him and a person he didn't know alone.

It was quiet for a moment, and Gokudera was torn between staying up to see what this guy would do and trying to actually sleep.

The choice, however, was taken from him when the other called out, "I know that you're awake so stop pretending."

_What_? He was sure that he looked like he was asleep, even Bianchi fell for it.

"The people you saw before were from the Vongola." That made Gokudera throw the thought of sleeping away.

The Vongola was one of the most prestigious Mafia families in Italy, their territory and business extended all over the world. Many dreamed about joining that family's ranks, and he was lying if he said he wasn't one of them.

_But what does the Vongola want from someone like me? Why did they look terribly worried when they shouldn't even know about my existence?_

Does this have to do with the Decimo he was ordered to test? He didn't even meet him so...

_What is happening?_

"I just wanted you to know that you're safe, you don't have to worry about us." Gokudera sat up, taking in the other's appearance.

It was dark so he couldn't really figure out much, but he was decently tall and was wearing a suit, the expensive kind of them.

_He looks like a Mafioso._ "And you are?"

"My name is Sawada Tsunayoshi, Tsuna for short if you like." Gokudera only stared blankly. "I'm a Vongola, even when I don't want to be one." He said the last bit with a small, humorless chuckle.

"I... I'm really glad that you're okay." Gokudera only saw that sad smile for a flash before Tsuna said, "Well, I'll let you rest for now so goodnight."

_Why do you all care?_ he wondered before he realized that he was all alone in the room.

* * *

_The boy looked at him, confused about why he was standing in front of his desk._

_"You're unsightly," Gokudera said, tossing the said boy's desk and walking away carelessly._

_That's the so-called Decimo?_

_What a joke._

* * *

TBC

So what do you think? *crosses fingers*


	3. Chapter 3

I'm sorry for the shortness, I just don't want too much events going on so I keep them separated...

* * *

**Never Will We Know**

Observe

* * *

_He saw the boy again, getting bullied and pushed around by his peers._

_Pathetic__, he thought as he saw him run away, stumbling in front of him._

_The boy stepped back, wary after realizing who he was._

_Gokudera didn't let him go though. "If someone like you became the Tenth gen boss, the Vongola is finished."_

_Before the boy could respond, Gokudera continued with bombs._

* * *

He woke up at that, head unfathomably spinning and aching.

_What was that?_

This is the second time this had happened, and Gokudera was sure as hell that it wasn't a normal dream.

But why would he dream about a boy he never met? And why was he speaking Japanese in that dream anyway? Even though he can speak the language, he rarely used it in his life.

He would've shrugged it all off if it weren't for how_ odd_ the dream was, as if he was living it or something.

Someone forcibly opening the door pulled him away from his musings, and looking at the intruder, he saw that it was the loud guy, Ryohei.

Ryohei greeted him with too much enthusiasm. "Good morning, Gokudera! I hope you got enough sleep because you have a lot to do today!"

"Shut up..." Gokudera replied, tempted to cover his ears, _it's too damn early for this_.

Ryohei didn't pay him any heed and proceeded to shove a protein-shake he made himself down his throat. _"It's good for your bones and muscles!"_ he said.

Gokudera seriously doubted that.

Much to his dismay, Ryohei was the one who was around him the most, something about him being a Sun type and healing which maybe they had a point in, seeing that his condition was getting better than most people that were in the same state as he was. He could walk now, even if it was in a somewhat-weird way.

_He was kind of useful,_ he mused as he listened to the other's rambling. From what he observed, this Ryohei guy seemed very passionate about boxing, he always brought recordings of old matches for them to watch, and Gokudera tried his all to convince him that he wasn't interested.

And just when he thought that no one is more tiring to have here than Ryohei, that Yamamoto guy comes with his passion for baseball. He was always smiling and laughing brightly, making Gokudera want to punch his face in the days he was not in the mood to tolerate cheerfulness in.

Sure, he wasn't as loud as Ryohei, but he was _very_ passionate about baseball nonetheless. _He'll never play catch with that guy again._

At this point, Gokudera had a theory that all members of the Vongola were sports freaks.

But then came Lambo and shuttered that theory. He wasn't that annoying really but he acted all sorts of awkward around him, stumbling on his words nervously as if he feared saying something he shouldn't.

To his amazement and eternal annoyance, Lambo frequently got replaced by a five-year-old brat (Yamamoto explained that this was the ten years bazooka's effect), the brat acted very familiar with him, casually calling him 'Ahodera' and other insulting things. It really didn't make sense because he didn't meet him in any shape or form before their first meeting in this hospital.

Hibari was an odd-ball if he was honest, he never talked to him and always settled to sit on the couch that was at the farthest corner in his room.

Every time he was around, animals tended to invade his room.

Chrome was nice enough, she didn't talk to him much but she wasn't annoying (or got replaced by an annoying counter-part). Sometimes, she got out of the room and talked to someone outside of it, Gokudera never saw who it was but he guessed it was someone close to her, she was smiling every time she returned after all.

And then there was Tsunayoshi, the one that visited him the least (which was kind of surprising because Hibari certainly didn't look like he wanted to be here). He was a bit of a worry-wart but not in an annoying way, he just looked terribly concerned if one his headache episodes occurred.

Gokudera felt weird whenever he was here and always found himself staring at him, maybe in an attempt to figure out what that feeling was.

But then Tsunayoshi would look up from the stacks of paper he always brought with him (maybe he was the Vongola's accountant or something) and catch him staring, smiling a small, warm smile when he did.

Gokudera didn't know why but he averted his eyes quickly, his face reddening at once.

Later, when he was all alone in his room, he would reflect that it was odd that the Vongola made sure that a member of it stayed with him always, watching and caring for his needs.

He wasn't an idiot, he could clearly see that something was up with him, something related to that offer he accepted to Japan.

But...

_All of them looked concerned, looked caring, looked sincere (even Hibari, in his own twisted way)._

What is it?

* * *

He was helped out by Bianchi today and to his luck, it was the day for examining.

He liked that day, it was the only one he could get out of his room in.

The voice of Bianchi humming cut off his thoughts and made him look at her, thinking.

_Why does she look older?_

It was a question that got him frowning. He never paid any mind to it until now and he wasn't sure why.

It was true that he and Bianchi didn't see each other for a long time, maybe a year or so. He honestly didn't know how she managed to find him in the first place.

But Gokudera was entirely sure that two years wouldn't age a person that much. The Bianchi he last saw was still a teenager, still somewhat childish.

The Bianchi he is seeing now looked like a mature and adult woman, with eyes that carried obvious sadness.

_She changed._

The first time he opened his eyes and saw her, he fainted. And as his mind was closing on the world, he saw her face, and she looked absolutely devastated.

She wore goggles now and for some reason, he didn't feel like he wanted to die upon seeing her.

_Strange..._

* * *

Bianchi left him for a bit when someone called her, and she ordered him to stay put in the hospital's lobby until she came back.

_What is it with all this fuss?_ he asked, annoyed that his sister was bossing him around like that. He stayed there though, because he had a feeling that whatever reason she did that was something serious.

But then a kid sprayed juice on him.

_Isn't this just great?_ His clothes given to him by the hospital were now ruined. Grumbling, he looked around for the nearest bathroom and luckily enough, it was right behind him.

_It's good that no one is here to see me cleaning up this mess,_ Gokudera thought, taking his shirt off and washing it irritably. And as he lifted the shirt up to see if there was any trace of juice left in it, he accidentally saw his reflection in the mirror and his eyes widened in shock.

Now that he thought about it, his room didn't have a mirror in its bathroom, and he rarely left it so he didn't have to use another one.

If he had a mirror, he would've seen his reflection staring at him, taller, shoulders broader and definitely _older_.

The body he is seeing now didn't belong to a teenager, it belonged to a young _man_.

_A month in a coma won't make me grow up like this._

Gokudera decided that it was time to finally ask some questions.

* * *

TBC

Let's see if the outline I planned for this fic would do any good.


End file.
